Everyone takes classes in school for various academic subjects, but also for useful skills like shop and home economics. Unfortunately, no one ever teaches young people how to present themselves in important business or social settings, despite the fact that these can be tremendously important in determining eventual success in life. Fortunately, all those under-educated graduates can put a capstone on their years by reading books on small talk.
There will always be those among us with an in-born talent for breezy conversation, people who always seem to be able to captivate without ever offending. Frequently, such people turn out to have been raised in elite circumstances, which demonstrates that these books provide the general public with a skill that had usually been a province of the country club set. After all, one of the advantages of an elite education has always been about the inculcation of a manner rather than academic excellence as such.
By contrast, people who are rising in life might be smart and hard workers, but lacking in social graces. A recurring them in literature and film is the person at the upscale party who could not be uninvited because he has too much money, but who is generally disliked. One of the ways this character is identified is by his being too coarse in his or her manners and too intense in speaking.
It isn't difficult to imagine, or for that matter simply recall, situations in which it is to one's advantage to be able to make light conversation. An obvious example is dating, which includes everything from an effective flirtation in a movie line to give and take during an actual date. It includes everything from flirting to pick up lines.
The business world provides all sorts of situations in which talent at breezy conversation can really give one an edge. No small number of success stories begin with a good impression made on the right person while standing together on the same street corner. On top of this is the more obvious business occasion, such as wining and dining a client, an interview for a job, or banter before the close of a sale.
Life is full of scenarios that seem breezy on the surface, but which quietly seethe with tension. For an up and coming poet, an established poet's reading can be a place where one makes all important contacts. But this must always be done with a casual air, without seeming like one is too obviously "on the make."
The jokes have to be funny, but not scandalous, and by all means, not familiar. It is important to be interested in a wide range of topics, but not fanatical or passionate about any of them. A good rule of thumb is to hold within oneself a desire to make each person one encounters pleased to have done so.
The most coarse behavior of all is to ignore people who are not useful to one's ambitions. Befriending any and all, at least for the length of a party, is the best way to make oneself a valued guest. The best way to uncover whether one has made a success of oneself at the party is whether one is invited to future parties.
There will always be those among us with an in-born talent for breezy conversation, people who always seem to be able to captivate without ever offending. Frequently, such people turn out to have been raised in elite circumstances, which demonstrates that these books provide the general public with a skill that had usually been a province of the country club set. After all, one of the advantages of an elite education has always been about the inculcation of a manner rather than academic excellence as such.
By contrast, people who are rising in life might be smart and hard workers, but lacking in social graces. A recurring them in literature and film is the person at the upscale party who could not be uninvited because he has too much money, but who is generally disliked. One of the ways this character is identified is by his being too coarse in his or her manners and too intense in speaking.
It isn't difficult to imagine, or for that matter simply recall, situations in which it is to one's advantage to be able to make light conversation. An obvious example is dating, which includes everything from an effective flirtation in a movie line to give and take during an actual date. It includes everything from flirting to pick up lines.
The business world provides all sorts of situations in which talent at breezy conversation can really give one an edge. No small number of success stories begin with a good impression made on the right person while standing together on the same street corner. On top of this is the more obvious business occasion, such as wining and dining a client, an interview for a job, or banter before the close of a sale.
Life is full of scenarios that seem breezy on the surface, but which quietly seethe with tension. For an up and coming poet, an established poet's reading can be a place where one makes all important contacts. But this must always be done with a casual air, without seeming like one is too obviously "on the make."
The jokes have to be funny, but not scandalous, and by all means, not familiar. It is important to be interested in a wide range of topics, but not fanatical or passionate about any of them. A good rule of thumb is to hold within oneself a desire to make each person one encounters pleased to have done so.
The most coarse behavior of all is to ignore people who are not useful to one's ambitions. Befriending any and all, at least for the length of a party, is the best way to make oneself a valued guest. The best way to uncover whether one has made a success of oneself at the party is whether one is invited to future parties.
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