Friday, July 21, 2017

How Manipulators Use The Burden Of Gratitude

By Elizabeth Wallace


It can be all too easy for well-meaning individuals to be manipulated into relationships that they did not want or simply did not intend. When a person seems to go out of their way to help another, sometimes their intentions are not exactly generous. They may simply be wanting to draw that person into an entanglement by manipulating them with the burden of gratitude.

Dating is a particularly harmful method some men use to obligate young women into sex acts or a relationship they do not want. In the majority of instances, the man asks the woman out, and the man generally is the one who pays for the date. Some men will use this fact as a way to make the girl feel she owes him for the cost of dinners, movies, or trips.

In modern relationships it is not uncommon for women to pay for their own meals, at least in the beginning. In fact, this is recommended for many young women in order to avoid these date-rape scenarios where a man might try to convince her that she owes him sex. If this means that the girl cannot afford to date, this is better than feeling obligated to give sex as payment for a meal.

Religious institutions are notorious for using indebtedness for help as a way to get new members. It is perfectly legal for them to require attendance at services as payment for help given to homeless people. In a perfect world, one would be able to get food, clothing, and shelter without being required to embrace a particular religious doctrine, but that is not how most churches approach it.

It is typical even for parents to use indebted obligations to control the behavior of their adult children. The fact is, once a person is over the age of eighteen, parents are not legally able to enforce curfews or other restrictions on them. However, in order to control who they date and what they do, some parents will withhold housing or financial assistance to their children if they fail to behave in whatever way they are trying to force.

Many people who offer help to others do so with negative motives. The people who are most ready to help us are not always those who want to see us succeed. Some people will even offer help just to get an inside peek into our lives so they can spread negative gossip.

As well-meaning people, we must evaluate our own intentions when we offer to assist others in some way. Sometimes our own reasons for helping someone has motives that we have not evaluated fully, and we might be acting in a manner that is not entirely giving. It is up to each of us to ensure that, when we offer help to a friend, we are not offering such help for the sole purpose of benefiting ourselves.

We all need help at some point in life, but the sad fact remains that others will take advantage of us at such a time. Perhaps we should seek help from a stranger rather than a friend. Family, friends, coworkers, and especially exes just might not have what is best for us in mind when they extend their assistance.




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